Queens University- Space is big

Space- big.

  This week in the Queens University Astrophysics Seminar and Tea Party a doctoral candidate from the astrophysics and applied philosophy department announced shocking new findings.

"It started out as something of a side project whilst working on my thesis but it soon grew to become an obsession, a tiny spark of chance thought from which exploded this idea that space is really, really big."

Calvin Kennedy of Portglenone, the doctoral candidate who has proposed this ground breaking theory spoke to us at length about the intricacies of his work, "We'd always known space to be large, but thanks to a new formula I can successfully demonstrate that it is pretty huge. Like, elephant dick big."

Pictured- the Universe.

"I looked long and hard at the Hubble Deep Field and Ultra Deep Field surveys and said 'Hang on a minute, these are like galaxies and shit, so they must be really far apart or gravitational tides would be tearing them apart', and from there I started looking at other star charts and using a compass and ruler I began to see an emerging pattern of distance. And then the idea that would change everything occurred to me- what if space was three dimensional instead of flat?"

There is a 'you are here' dot, but it's very small.

Hubble Deep Field, every dot is a galaxy. Seriously.

 "This is the idea that has gotten everyone so excited, that the stars and galaxies aren't just stuck to the inside of some giant sphere around the Earth but are in fact spread out across the void, an infinite void filled with galaxies and junk just waiting for us to discover."

Already across the globe Kennedy's peers, including several Nobel Laureates have began calling this the 'most important discovery in physics since the Big Bang' and whispers have already begun circling that young Kennedy may be joining the hallowed ranks in the next Nobel ceremony in Sweden, if his mum lets him.

But what next for the young astrophysicist?

"This discovery has opened so many doors for me among the academia of the world, NASA, CERN, some shady guy offering me a Chinese passport and a life of luxury in Beijing, the opportunities are endless," the enthusiastic young physicist informed me, before adding thoughtfully, "but above all else there is one more theorem I wish to prove. I want to demonstrate that it is possible for a Doctor of Astrophysics to get laid with an attractive woman."